Nick and Sophie OâSullivan
Sunday, February 06, 2005
A couple of Saturdays ago I was honoured with the role of best man for the wedding of one of my oldest and dearest friends, Nick OâSullivan, to his gorgeous fairy tale bride Sophie Seneviratna. There is a lovely story that goes with the meeting, courtship and wedding, and it really is a fairy tale. But it is not my story to re-tell.
One of my earliest memories of my friendship with Nick goes back to 1985, when we were in Year 8. I used to try and sit next to him in any classes we had in common, because it was always going to be a laugh. I was called upon to read out loud from the text book, and he decided to make me crack up by advising, just loud enough for me to hear
Your dickâs hanging out! Your dickâs hanging out. Everyone can see it, theyâre laughing at you because your dickâs hanging out!
As good a way to begin a best manâs speech as this story may be, I decided Iâd first take some of Nickâs advice â quite literally â and start with the last couple of paragraphs:
Ideally, I donât want you to give the speech you think you should - but rather the speech you, and only you, can. It doesnât have to be big. It doesnât have to be the product of immense sweat and toil. It doesnât have to be indulgently self serving or annoyingly arse-kissing. You donât have to impress, out-do, outshine, or out-whine anyone. Whatever you do, just do it your way, go with your instincts and speak from the heart. Thatâs ultimately all we could ask for.But if itâs not funny, we will cut your balls off.
The guests agreed that, as they laughed at that last line, technically, i got to keep âem.
As far as other salient points of the speech, I must admit, I recycled gags from the weeks leading up to the wedding. As Nick and Sophie are already expecting their first child, and as pregnancy along with planning a wedding has been a tiring undertaking, I happened to point out to Nick one night that, at least they had already consummated the marriage; that was one thing less they had to worry about on the day.
When it was Nickâs turn to get up and thank everyone, I waited until the precise instant before he was to begin. And then I assured him:
Your dickâs hanging out! Your dickâs hanging out. Everyone can see it, theyâre laughing at you because your dickâs hanging out!
The best response was from Mark, who is married to Sophieâs cousin, and who was supposed to be responsible for her on the evening she met Nick. When he spoke, his two little kids were rolling about around his ankles. After Iâd finished he came up to me and said, âThey understand what âyour dickâs hanging out!â means, but I think youâre going to have to explain to my children what âconsummate the marriageâ means.â
The high point was Nickâs re-telling of the fairy tale. But it isnât my job to re-tell it here â youâll have to wait for the biopic.
Click on either photo to see more.
