I was tickled pink by the news that the Grateful Dead were reconvening for their 50th Anniversary: July 3-5 at Soldier Field, Chicago.
Once I'd gotten my head around the staggering ticket prices - a three-day pass has been offered on StubHub for $116,000 (that's US dollars, I'm guessing) - a series of questions immediately sprung to mind:
- Will there be a return of the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Tests?
- Will the Kool-Aid be available in drip-bags with deluxe attachments that older fans – the not-quite-Deadheads – may affix to their disability scooters?
- Who will fill the spots left vacant by founding members who haven't managed to last quite as long as the band?
At least they've been clear on the final issue: deputising for lead guitarist Jerry Garcia, for example, is Trey Anastasio, of Phish.
Check him out: Trey clearly has been deliberately chosen f0r his ability to look enough like the Jerry Berry to fool the baby boomer acid casualties.
Which reminds me, there is one final essential question:
- Has Jerry Garcia ever given you the finger?
If not the finger, how about a finger?
If not, there's certainly the opportunity to get one now, that's for sure!
According to gossip newsletter Popbitch, a dude called Matt is selling one via Craigslist. ("$5,000; Good Condition.")
Matt reckons he's selling the severed finger to raise money for said upcoming 50th Anniversary show.
"It pains me to part with this one-of-a-kind collectable," he writes, "but I believe Jerry would want me to see the last show."
Matt doesn't explain how he came to own Jerry Garcia's picked finger, preserved in brine solution and hermetically sealed "for long term storage".
Of course, this is the perfect marketing opportunity: individual vials with replica Jerry Berry Finger tabs, immersed in the specially prepared Electric Kool-Aid Acid available at the merch booth.
If they really wanted to, they could clone a whole new Jerry Berry from the DNA contained in the preserved digit.
At the very least, this concert should be recorded for posterity. Adorned with the image of Garcia's finger, it would be the perfect way in which to revive that series of live Grateful Dead recordings known as 'Dick's Picks'. Ladies and Gentlemen, Dead Heads, Acid Casualties, Mobility Scooter-bound Baby Boomers – may I present Dick's Picks Volume 37: