Stand and Deliver!

The journalist in happier times: detail, back cover, Mike Carlton's News Review (1982, Hammard)

I'll admit: a horrible summer man flu had hit and I was delirious. I did think I was in fine form, reading status updates on Twitter and Facebook and replying wittily. I stumbled upon some chatter between a Herald journo I follow and a journalist, columnist, broadcaster, author I've admired for the better part of thirty years… (apologies for the repetition below - haven't quite got the hang of embedded tweet coding)

What a night. Blockbuster edition of the Sydney Morning Herald out tomorrow. #buythepaper

— Ben Cubby (@bencubby) September 25, 2013

@bencubby Eh ? Why ?

— Mike Carlton (@MikeCarlton01) September 25, 2013

@mikecarlton01 because of the news therein.

— Ben Cubby (@bencubby) September 25, 2013

@bencubby Ha ! Assuming you made front page with a spill.

— Mike Carlton (@MikeCarlton01) September 25, 2013

@mikecarlton01 actually no, im in an editing role at the moment. but it's a pretty strong p1.

— Ben Cubby (@bencubby) September 25, 2013

@bencubby @MikeCarlton01 Have they started torpedoing refugee vessels?

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@comedy_nerd @mikecarlton01 not as far as i know.

— Ben Cubby (@bencubby) September 25, 2013

@bencubby @MikeCarlton01 Block not busted then.

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@bencubby Gerard Henderson in goat horror ?

— Mike Carlton (@MikeCarlton01) September 25, 2013

@mikecarlton01 can confirm that no goats are involved.

— Ben Cubby (@bencubby) September 25, 2013

@bencubby @MikeCarlton01 Rainforests are growing back; polar icecaps refreezing; fracking actually purifies water... am I warm?

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@bencubby @MikeCarlton01 Tell you what, I won't buy it, but I may peruse it in the cafe where I get my morning coffee on the way to work.

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@bencubby @MikeCarlton01 That way, when the journalistic prick tease fails to deliver, there'll be no need to name and shame.

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@comedy_nerd @mikecarlton01 not good enough.

— Ben Cubby (@bencubby) September 25, 2013

@comedy_nerd @bencubby In which case, smart arse, I hope you and Rupert Murdoch are very happy.

— Mike Carlton (@MikeCarlton01) September 25, 2013

What? Because I won't buy SMH I'm clearly one of Murdoch's minions? Not likely. Forget for a moment the entire history of 'knowledge sharing' that went on amongst 'cafe society'; apart from the routine I follow with - that probably made it easier for my services to be dispensed with the first time I freelanced for News Magazines - there are earlier blog posts suggesting I'm no News Corporation stalwart...

 

@MikeCarlton01 @bencubby Oh, I tweet photos of his sterling journalism also, rest assured.

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@MikeCarlton01 @bencubby I think I'm happier than the AntiChrist - times are tough and he's down to his last few trillion.

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@MikeCarlton01 @bencubby But can anyone be truly happy when contributing to the greater dumb-cunt-ification of humanity?

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

I thought my last few comments were worthy of reply, but none was forthcoming, so I called it as I saw it, at which point an old uni mate joined in:

It seems I may have annoyed @MikeCarlton01 - but how can anyone really tell?

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@comedy_nerd I thought annoyed was @MikeCarlton01 's baseline. From there it becomes mildly vexed.

— Karl Valentine (@random_clown) September 25, 2013

@random_clown @MikeCarlton01 Zattly!

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@comedy_nerd @random_clown So fuck off the two of you. XXXX

— Mike Carlton (@MikeCarlton01) September 25, 2013

@MikeCarlton01 love you too Mr Carlton @comedy_nerd

— Karl Valentine (@random_clown) September 25, 2013

@MikeCarlton01 @random_clown ....not at all like those comedy records I still cherish...

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@random_clown But I actually do like @MikeCarlton01 - I have his records and everything. I blame @BenCubby, Fairfax and Murdoch!

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

And The Word Was Gough… - Peter Luck and Mike Carlton (1975, M7)



Mike Cartlon's News Review - Mike Carlton (1982, Hammard)



Carlton Takes The Micky: 1983 in Review - Mike Carlton (1983, 2GB NewsTalk 87)

@comedy_nerd ditto. It makes me sad that he reacted like that. @MikeCarlton01 @BenCubby

— Karl Valentine (@random_clown) September 25, 2013

@comedy_nerd I think he's blocked us. @MikeCarlton01 pic.twitter.com/NSrDXTBZ4L

— Karl Valentine (@random_clown) September 25, 2013

Since he blocked me, I have to RT @MikeCarlton01 the old-fashioned way: "@comedy_nerd @random_clown So fuck off the two of you. XXXX"

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@random_clown @MikeCarlton01 @bencubby Bantering about headlines one minute, blocked by a hero the next. Avoiding @stephenfry just in case…

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@random_clown Never mind. We may be headed for 'Flip 'em the Bird Thursday', but after that, it's 'Follow Friday'.

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@comedy_nerd I'm a little upset by that. I didn't think "mildly vexed" was that offensive.

— Karl Valentine (@random_clown) September 25, 2013

@random_clown I am too. If there was one righteous journalist I expected to have a sense of humour, it's him. I thought it was all banter.

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@random_clown I'd apologise, but I still have to blog about it. I'm a writer, after all.

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

@comedy_nerd it's my first block that I know of. I think I've jumped the shark Dom. It's all downhill from here.

— Karl Valentine (@random_clown) September 25, 2013

@comedy_nerd I'm planning to email tomorrow. I feel bad that he took it that way.

— Karl Valentine (@random_clown) September 25, 2013

@random_clown I feel bad too. But… are we trolling now? Is he gonna be a headline? Or are we gonna be in his next column? I do have to blog!

— Dom Romeo (@comedy_nerd) September 25, 2013

You know, cos he's old and grumpy (said the slightly less old, but probably just as grumpy, man) so perhaps he may do a Charlotte Dawson number…

@comedy_nerd blog away my friend.

— Karl Valentine (@random_clown) September 25, 2013

@random_clown @comedy_nerd Nice work guys!

— Samantha Brown (@sagabrown) September 25, 2013

@sagabrown not so much. I certainly didn't mean to offend him at all. @comedy_nerd

— Karl Valentine (@random_clown) September 25, 2013

@random_clown Sorry I was being sarcastic! I didn’t think it was offensive either …

— Samantha Brown (@sagabrown) September 25, 2013

@sagabrown I've emailed him with an apology. Unreserved.

— Karl Valentine (@random_clown) September 25, 2013

 

A night later, the irony is I still have not seen the front of the Sydney Morning Herald. Was it amazing? Was it so amazing that it was worth the fuss?

Meanwhile, I did send Carlton an apology. Not unreserved. I explained that I would write about this, but being a journo, he'd understand. As Joan Didion once pointed out, a writer is always selling someone out. Given his history of taking the micky, I expected a better sense of humour.

I remain unemployed by News Ltd and Fairfax. Perhaps that's why I never purchase their papers - although I'm less impressed with SMH since it became, literally, a tabloid. (Its engagement in tabloid journalism was inevitable once it ceased to be a newspaper of record.) However, I'm also not employed by Crikey or New Matilda - and I subscribe to those.