Stand and Deliver!

At a recent dinner party, fortune cookies were served with coffee, leading one of the guests to share a great game that may not exactly provide hours of fun, but will make you giggle for as long as it takes to consume the fortune cookies. Here’s the deal: each guest reads out the contents of his or her fortune as revealed by the cookie, but ends it with the words ‘in the bedroom’. It never fails to improve the fortune.

See for yourself how much fun it can be:

There is an “exception to every rule” and most people think they are it… in the bedroom.

You are in good hands this evening… in the bedroom.

You are demonstrative with those you love… in the bedroom.

Be on the alert for new opportunity… in the bedroom.

My personal favourite ‘bad joke’ whenever consuming fortune cookies with friends, is to read the declaration from the other side of the slip of paper. It develops a far more abject meaning when given the ‘in the bedroom’ treatment:

This insert has a protective coating… in the bedroom.

I have an aunt who runs an evangelical business that deals in ‘scripture cookies’ (this isn’t the nun who I refer to as ‘The Auntie Christ’, but a different one). They are fortune cookies in every way, apart from the actual fortune. Instead of having vaguely positive non-specific statements that may be easily construed as being mystical and spiritual, they carry specific verses from the bible. I don’t have any handy to quote from right now, but I’m sure they'll work just as readily. I’ll choose some random, but obvious biblical verses for your consideration:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was made flesh… in the bedroom

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth… in the bedroom.

The Ten Commandments take on a particularly lurid hue:

I am the Lord thy God; thou shall not worship false gods before me… in the bedroom.

Honour thy father and thy mother… in the bedroom.

Thou shall not covet thy neighbour’s ass… in the bedroom.

As usual, after a strong opening and a little bit of development, I have no idea how to end this entry, so I’m just gonna pick the first bold quote that comes to mind:

I am who I am… in the bedroom.

Add your own if you wish.